last weekend, I put on some leggings and realised they had a hole in them just above my knee. so I got a black texta and coloured my leg in through the hole.
it was quite effective and, not being well-versed in the art of sewing, I spent some time thinking about inventing disposable patches in different colours which you could stick on your skin under a hole in your clothes. this would save the time and bother of mending.
I was quite pleased with my possible new invention and my leg-colouring until I changed into shorts that evening. I kept on catching a glimpse of my knee when I was crouching down to put the washing in the machine or pick up something off the floor and thinking it was a spider on my leg. this caused me to start, and then slap away at my leg in a frenzied kind of way a few times before I remembered it was texta.
another time I saw it out the corner of my eye and thought I must have suddenly grown a new freckle. once I’d remembered that I’d coloured in my leg, I had fun pretending I was in a movie where I discovered I had a rare and incurable skin disease. I did all the pulling-at-the-skin motions and panicky looks, and then the frantic calling of the ambulance where you drop the phone because your hands are all shaky from being hysterical.
it was a pretty fun saturday.
You're too funny J. Can I come over and pretend I'm Christian Bale in The Machinist?
ReplyDeleteJen Pen, this is good giggle material, girl! From the title on through, this is deeply, deliciously, tragically funny stuff! I have just NetVibed this blog so now you are big news in my life – right up there with Google World News, in fact! (And I want you to know that this comment took me 30 seconds to type, and about 17 minutes of paralytic overthinking inertia to get down.)
ReplyDeleteSo funny!
ReplyDeleteWhile I haven't coloured a black spot on my leg & then thought it was a spider, I have jumped at numerous things thinking they are some kind of creepy crawly when they are something very innocuous. Most recently I picked up a black thing from the floor in my bedroom, thinking it was a bit of carpet pulled up from the lounge room rug by the cats. Except when I touched it it was firm & smooth. I immediately dropped it with a start. Turns out it was one of these plastic knob things from the pointy end of a coat hanger...