prophetic postulating (and chickpeas)

the other day, I was in the supermarket in my lunch break, shopping for chickpeas.

I find it hard to decide between the organic ones (which are better for the environment because they contain no pesticides) and the locally produced ones (which are better for the environment because they have travelled a shorter distance). it is possible to find both of those things in one chickpea, but then they become quite expensive. in my opinion, other necessary items like Lindt 70% dark chocolate are far more worthy of funds than a Morally Correct Chickpea.

in the midst of my most recent supermarket legume deliberations a lady rushed up to me and said excitedly “we’ve found it! we’ve found it!”

I was happy for her that she’d found it, but felt some of the details were missing. after a moment or two of blank open-mouthed staring on my part, she said, “you know – the prophet!”

these words, coupled with my lack of acquaintance of said lady, made me feel somewhat strange.

I never know how to act in these situations. this is because of a number of factors as outlined below.

firstly, I empathise with those with mental health issues and wish to make them feel that they are valued members of society just as they are. in order to help them feel included and validated, I want to say to them “I see your Prophet and raise you an FBI-Is-After-Me”. 

however, people in the general area of someone behaving strangely and finding lost prophets like to look at the person being confronted with the Prophet Finder and see how they respond. this does not bode well for those of us who are wont to suffer embarrassment and Redness of Face when in the spotlight.

so I was about to politely say “madam, I am glad for the rediscovery of your prophet, but as I know little on the subject, I am not the one with whom you should converse. also, you might note that I am having my own dilemma of Chickpea Choosing which I need to deal with as a matter of priority”.

but then I noticed that the lady had a nametag on.

it was a nametag from a bookshop.

where I had just been.

asking if they had the book “the prophet”.

it turns out they’d found it, and the lovely bookshop lady had come to let me know.

I was so excited by this level of customer service that I became like the previously feared Prophet Finder and told all who would listen of my delight. “they found it!” I said cheerfully to everyone I passed on my way back to purchase the book. “they found the prophet!"

upon reaching the shop, I could contain my enthusiasm no longer. “you don’t get that kind of service from online bookstores!” I called out joyfully, as one particularly anxious-looking lady decided to exit the bookshop.

and so, dear reader, let us be kind to those who may seem wild or crazy or speak to us out of the blue. because they may have simply found a book.

or just received excellent customer service. 

standing on the edge of the mat

new-age people have funny ways of speaking.

in my Pilates class, the instructor always says things like “now, find yourself standing on the edge of the mat”.

I struggle to just discover myself standing there. I usually have to make a conscious effort and move certain muscles to get to that position.

perhaps she actually means I should “find myself” whilst standing on the edge of the mat.

I wished I’d known sooner that that was possible. if one could find oneself whilst standing on the edge of the mat, life would be a whole lot easier.

I probably wouldn’t have spent quite so much money on the psychologist or self-help books or tissues or massive packets of cheese and onion chips.

there could be a Coming of Age ritual for teenagers where they Stand On The Edge Of The Mat at age 18 to find themselves. after that, everyone would know who they were and what they should do, and life would be a whole lot less messy.

I like the idea that standing on the edge of the mat is a way to find yourself.

sitting in the middle of the mat is safe and secure. you can sit there for quite a long time without feeling uncomfortable.

but if you’re standing on the edge of the mat, it’s a bit more precarious.

you have to balance with your toes and try not to fall over and land in an ungraceful pile on the mat whilst also uttering a most unladylike oof, as that would be quite embarrassing and make you go red and give you thoughts of never being able to show your face in that class again. I would imagine.

standing on the edge of the mat is harder. and there is potential for severe embarrassment. but I think I’d rather be there than sitting safely in the middle.

now to just solve the problem of how to suddenly realise I'm standing on the edge of the mat without having moved a muscle...